Strength and Story
What Helen and the Peanut Butter Jar taught me 16 years ago...
There are famous tales that have shaped nations.
There are stories that we collectively recognize, from Moses and the Red Sea, Romeo and Juliet, Washington crossing the Delaware, and K-Pop Demon Hunters.
Then, there are OUR stories. The ones that don’t get made into movies, written as best sellers…
But they create a paradigm shift in our lives that change us as foundationally as the famed fables.
For me, it was a woman on a quest to open a peanut butter jar that taught me as much about strength and connection as anything.
I met Helen in May 2010. I remember it was May because she told me she just celebrated her 82nd birthday, born May 2, 1928.
Helen grew up in a small town in Upstate NY, attending grade school and helping her family at their small grocery store they owned.
Helen loved art, drawing funny cartoon sketches she would share with her folks and patrons, making them laugh and smile.
Her talents made her a town celebrity, because during the war, she would draw comic strips and mail them to the troops overseas, in an effort to lift up their spirits.
The post office employees would laugh at these sketches, showing them to other members of the community, and it wasn’t long till the whole town would wait for the next creation from Helen.
Life went on, with little change from one day to the next, till one afternoon.
Sitting behind the register, she heard a loud thud come from the back of the store. She went over to investigate, and saw her father laid out on the floor.
He passed away, suddenly and unexpectedly, from an aneurysm that day.
Her mother fell into a deep depression, and Helen was thrown into the responsibility of taking care of her younger sister, her mother, the store, and going to school.
For women in this era, her life was now “written”. She would stay in town, probably marry and have a family, but the walls of life were drawn for her.
But, she knew that this life wasn’t meant for her. She was destined for something else.
So, at the disapproval of her family, she boldly made a choice to leave town, and get her college degree, with no support or financial security.
But she found a way, one day at a time. She would graduate, teach at multiple colleges in business and fine arts, till she ended up at New York state university that her life changed.
Doing some work in the school library, she saw a young book salesman walk through the door, where she locked eyes with him…and fireworks went off in the subconscious.
She would end up marrying this man, moving to Charleston NY, with him and his 3 young daughters.
Life was blissful, joyful…then one day changed things forever.
Making breakfast in the kitchen, Helen heard a loud thud…a terrifyingly familiar thud…come from the living room.
She went to investigate, and saw her young husband lying on the floor.
That day, he died suddenly and unexpectedly from an aneurysm, the same fate that took the other man in her life years prior.
It was a tough time, physically and emotionally, but Helen, like she had to do in the past, figured out a way to continue on, raising her 3 young step-daughters, where they graduated from school, went on to have careers and families of their own.
Till one day in early May of 2010, she sat down with a young coach who thought he knew so much about the world, and left him with his jaw on the floor.
The reason I know this story is because it was the first 10 minutes of my introduction to meeting Helen.
I never had a person tell me their whole life story, and the challenges and experiences they endured like this. I didn’t know what to say…
So she broke the 15 second silence…
“Thank you for listening. Now, can you help me?”
Helen told me her goal of coming in to see me.
“I want to open my peanut butter jar.”
Her favorite time of the day was in the early morning, making a cup of tea and having an english muffin and peanut butter. Her grip was weakening and she was struggling to open the jar.
To me, as a young 20’s trainer who thought aesthetics was the ultimate goal of everyone, it was a shock to my young, ignorant mind that this could be someone’s goal for working out.
But, nevertheless, we chatted a bit more and she began working with me.
About 3 weeks later, I was sitting at my desk with my head down, when I heard something hit my desk.
I looked up to see Helen, with a jar of peanut butter in hand.
“Watch this!” she said as she gripped the lid, twisted and opened the jar.
The look on her face I will never forget. It was a look you would see an Olympian have when they won the gold medal.
Two lessons came from this for me:
Strength and Story.
Strength is personal. Whether you want to win a championship, look good in the mirror, or be able to enjoy your breakfast without struggle, your goal is yours, and yours alone. When you know exactly what you want, and why you want it, the path towards achieving it becomes clear.
And…
We learn from story, not knowledge. Helen’s life was not made into a movie, a Netflix series, or a bestselling book. It isn’t known worldwide.
But almost 16 years later, it’s made an impact on me, where still when I see a peanut butter jar, the memory of Helen and her strength come to me, and I bet that if you made it this far, the next time you see a peanut butter jar, you will think of it too.
So, tell your story, learn other’s stories…it will change your life.
Much Love, Michael